


We'll Bust Your Nuts

by BaklavaBalaclava



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Humor, KageHina - Freeform, Kissing, Lots of Cursing, M/M, Makeout Session
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 05:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9585869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaklavaBalaclava/pseuds/BaklavaBalaclava
Summary: The poor kid was so nervous he sold me the male reproductive system on accident!





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is in my bby, Kags, perspective. I was fuckin around in google docs as usual and guess what. I came up with this trash. I gotta say this story probably has the record for most curse words. I went a 'little' crazy. whoops. i wanna thank Leanders for being a somewhat sensible person and beta reading. now, enjoy...

Ding dong.

Honestly, was there no way I could study in peace and quiet? First it was my roommate having a make out session with his new boy toy, now what?

I angrily stood up from my desk, slamming my chair back. Whoever decided to come at this time was really going to regret their decisions. 

The floor creaked under my feet as I stomped across the apartment. I whipped open the door, fully prepared to release my absolute rage...but no one was there.

"The hell?" I muttered. A flash of orange caught the very bottom of my eye.

"Hello, my name is Hinata Shouyou!" A cheery redhead grinned at me with the exuberance of a child. He had an assortment of clipboards and boxes. 

Oh, it was another shitty salesperson coming to drain my wallet. This was going to be soooo much fun. 

"You look pretty hungry! I'm here to present to you the greatest snack of the year. Coming from the top nut company, Nut Buster is," Hinata stopped for a second to look down at his hand, “the best nut sack you’ve ever had- oh shit wait, no I meant snack.” The boy’s face burned a bright red as he died coughing. 

I just stood there for a solid thirty seconds watching Hinata fluster around before bursting out laughing. The poor kid was so nervous he sold me the male reproductive system on accident!   
Oh god, that was hysterical. After a while, my stomach started to hurt and tears were streaming down my cheeks.

“H-hey it’s not f-funny. You should really buy this nut assortment. As our company likes to go by, we’ll bust your nuts. Actually that sounds a lot worse now that I think about it and now I’m rambling,” the short boy just kept talking, but I was already on the floor.

I gasped for breath. The company’s slogan fucking killed me. Bust my nuts? That’s gotta be the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. All the while, Hinata tried to keep talking but it only made the situation funnier. 

I clutched my abs in pain. My laugh resonated through the hall and echoed back. I knew I was annoying the hell out of the neighbors - scratch that - the entire floor, but god damn! It was too funny!

A pounding sound pulled me out of my laughing fit. Above me was Hinata towering over me with a no longer shining grin. His glower helped me sober up yet a few chuckles still escaped my mouth.   
“Listen dickwad, my boss won’t let me back in the fucking building if I don’t get rid of these boxes. I’ve gotta sell 200 of these nasty-ass, cholesterol filled so called ‘assortments’ so if you just hand over some money, this whole ordeal would go a lot quicker.,” the tiny boy spat with a dark tone.

Well damn.

“Yeah, no. Thanks for the laugh and everything, but I’m a struggling college kid that survives off of macaroni cups so I can’t afford proper air conditioning, much less fancy nut assortments,” I retorted with laughter playing at the edge of my voice. 

Hinata huffed, “Oh really? Then what do I have to do to get you to buy one of these damn nut things?”

“You could bust my nuts up. Or you could sell me the most amazing nut sack,” I joked.

“Okay, sounds like a good deal!” he snapped.

A few moments passed.

“Wait what!?” I yelled.

He rolled his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I give you a kiss for this entire bin of nuts, duh,” he said while motioning to a rather large box.

I took a second to really look at Hinata. He had soft looking curls fluffing on top of his head, honey colored eyes that shined in the light, a cute looking button nose, pink lips that pouted sweetly, and a smooth, milky neck. My eyes trailed down to see his collar bones dip beneath a shirt that hugged all the right places. 

In the span of a minute, Hinata Shouyou had gotten exponentially more attractive. 

Hinata’s eyes gleamed seductively. He knew he’d gotten me hooked. “Well? I think both you and I know that is a very, very good deal,” he purred alluringly. 

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with. I’m only doing this cause I haven’t gotten laid in a while,” I puffed.

“I can change that,” Hinata whispered before wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me closer. 

I didn’t even have a chance to react as he pushed our lips together. Hinata’s lips were as plush and amazing as they looked. Sparks flit through my body when he moved his lips against mine with the perfect amount of friction. I let my hand slide into his silky hair and hold his head in place. It was a soft kiss that was filled with promise. 

I pulled away for breath only to see that beautiful sparkle in Hinata’s eyes. 

Oh fuck. 

I smashed our lips back together with heat and passion. This time I was taking the lead. My tongue swiped against his pliant lips and he opened them eagerly. I let my tongue sweep across the roof of Hinata’s mouth and felt him shudder against me. My arm wrapped around the shorter male’s waist and I pulled him closer. Our tongues battled, sending the most delightful shivers through me. This was the sort of kiss with fervor and desire that sent even the most stoic person’s heart into a frenzy. 

But, a mind-blowing kiss had to end eventually. This time Hinata pulled back with heavy breaths and a heaving chest. His eyes were blown wide and his cheeks were slightly flushed. To put it simply, Hinata looked absolutely ravishing. If we weren’t in the middle of the hallway, I would have devoured him already. But we were in the middle of the hallway and there wouldn’t be any devouring happening. For now. 

“I don’t remember the last time I made out with a complete stranger,” I whispered breathlessly. 

Hinata giggled, “We’re not strangers anymore, that’s for sure.”

I set my forehead on his and sat there for a second. We were breathing the same air, but frankly, I didn’t give a damn. I looked up at him when my breathing had finally gotten under control. He was staring so I pulled back. 

The moment was, sadly, over. Hinata grabbed the hefty box of nuts and turned around for a second. I looked away figuring he was adjusting his wild hair and now wrinkled shirt. 

Hinata whipped back around with a 100 watt smile. I felt like I needed to squint or blink under his unwavering happiness. This guy was like the freaking sun. 

“Have fun eating a whole box of that crap! I’m gonna head back to my building since I’ve sold my share for the day. Thanks for the help” he whooped with smugness. He gathered his things and started to walk away.

I watched his retreating back with an odd feeling in my stomach. Hinata tilted his head back and yelled out, “Call me when you want me to bust your nuts for real!” With a flirtatious wink, Hinata Shouyou was gone. 

I was too confused to be worried about who else heard that conversation. Did he think I was a fucking mind reader? How the hell was I supposed to magically conjure his number?   
I shuffled back into my apartment with the weirdly large box and dropped the box onto the plastic table in the living room. Nothing like angry, sexually frustrated masturbation. 

I turned in defeat when something grabbed my attention. Words were messily scribbled in sharpie on the plain, cardboard container. 

No fucking way!

That sly tease wrote his number on the box when I wasn’t looking! Wow, for some reason I love it. Something bubbled up in my chest. Oh no, this feeling is all too familiar. 

God damn, I think I’m hooked.

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda want to make this multi chapter but then i remember that dialogue isn't my thing and life becomes sad. the usual. i gotta thank Leanders again for beta reading and being my savior and lord (go check out her AMAZING stories)


End file.
